Playing Hard-To-Get

The good old playing hard-to-get, the way women must behave to appear to be a ‘challenge’ to men. Appearing to be a challenge is a technique used to lure and keep them interested, so that they want you more. Men, for centuries, have always chased after women, the more they chase and the harder you make them work for you, the more they want you. After they work hard for you, they are most likely to ‘value’ you more because you were such a challenge for them. Stereotypically, it’s instilled for men to do the chasing and not women.

So, it all begins when once upon a time women were mysterious, conservative, stayed at home and potentially trophy wives who were not looking for a man. On the other hand, men were the hunters who chased after women. Before he would get her on a date, he of course must ask her parents for permission, with the condition that he returned her back on time (8pm sharp). Eventually, this challenge would prevent the girl from looking ‘cheap’ and ensure her a successful marriage proposal in no amount of time. Women at the time were to be sheltered and hard to reach for the hungry men, which was how a woman was meant to act (ask your parents).

Now fast forward, we are now in the 21st century, a fast paced society where online dating has become ever so popular and Facebook has almost taken over our lives. Women are somewhat more sexually active, do not necessarily have ‘strict parents’, are independent, money makers and successful. Considering the context that we live in, is it still ‘necessary’ to play hard-to-get? I mean, I love to believe that it is not necessary, women should just be themselves, play no games, everything should just flow naturally, however, what I am constantly confronted with, is that the dating field is all about challenges, mind games and what not. You know and have heard it several times,
“Don’t play games, let it flow naturally. If you like him then make a move.” (Do men like you more?) To be honest,  if  I was not really interested in a man, I probably would not be bothered (like most women) to play games and it is way to time-consuming. (Then again, if I was not interested in him, I should not be seeing him!)

However, if I was interested, it would be a different situation. I would probably analyse every situation and attempt to take my time writing back to his messages, to show that ‘I’m busy and I’m not desperate’, which means to some degree, I am playing mind games.

Men also Play Hard-To-Get

This begins with a little story, while on our regular night outs, it was raining, so we retreated to the non-other GPO Bar, partly due to my constant request, (I demanded that I should be drinking around suited up men).

While sipping on chardonnay, we talked about our relationships with the current men in our lives,  those that have been long-term and others that have been not so serious and what we had come up with is that ‘women’ are most likely to be associated with the idea of being manipulative, bitchy, difficult and professionals in the field of playing mind games/playing hard-to-get. However over lengthily conversations, what also we realised (after freshly baked vegetarian pizza was served nomnom) that men are actually very manipulative, oh yes, we love to think that they all are easy-going, clueless and that we have the upper hand, but what  women don’t realise is that while some men are easy-going,  a lot of men now are actually better than us in our old-time sport, manipulating the opposite sex and playing mind games.

To some degree men like to make our lives difficult, I wouldn’t say that they are playing hard- to-get.. or maybe they are?

If men didn’t play hard-to-get/conduct mind games and were easy-going, then would there be terms such as “Booty call” and “Door mat”?  Clearly, these terms can only become prevalent during circumstances, such as when a woman is confused or being used and this man in her life gives her mixed feelings, wrong signals and plays hard-to-get.  For example, when a women clearly expresses that she wants something more than what they are at the time and he isn’t meeting her half way or justifying his excuses… maybe he is just using her.

What I gathered, while we were conversing, was that women are more likely (correct me if I’m wrong) to play hard to get when we have the upper hand, we know that he likes us and we have the slightest hint that the ball is in our court. However, women are most likely to be needy and clingy when they man is ‘bad news’, (a term we frequently used, it’s the most effective way to define “your going to hate him Pandora”). You know what I mean, the bad type, the one we know we shouldn’t date. He’s manipulative, smart, can easily lure us, doesn’t want a relationship from us, but keeps us hanging? Don’t pretend that you don’t know who this guy is.

What do Men prefer?

The truth is, dating is complicated and it’s hard to determine whether playing hard-to-get would be necessary all the time. All men behave differently and react differently. Some really just can’t handle mind games and some actually do love it.

Speaking of those who love playing games, I have met men who love the chase. One proclaimed that if she said ‘yes’ to all his requests on dates, he would ‘easily got bored’. He explained to me that “first she said no, maybe, then yes. It was a pattern and a challenge. I was into her more this way” . What we realised after, was this woman was defiantly a pro at mind games and playing hard-to-get, telling him that all these ‘men’ liked her and she didn’t like this attention.  B.S she loved it and reminded my poor friend almost all the time to keep him eager and work harder for her. Women can be so cruel (hehe).

The same friend explained to me another situation, when a girl was way too clingy, he was telling me how she called him all the time, messaged him all the time, too upfront, said ‘yes’ without hesitation, to every date “ she seemed to be always free” sadly he got bored with her (not fair I know).

Another friend of mine, who always has plenty of dating stories to tell me, explained to me that he preferred a woman who was “straight forward and didn’t play mind games, because it tells a lot about her”, despite his preference if he was really interested in her, he would chase after her, if she was playing hard-to-get.

The Test

(I would never test this out on any man I actually liked)

I’ve tested it out with men, ( for the sake of this post), who I am not entirely  interested in, (only so I wouldn’t get to caught up on it). I played extremely hard-to-get and almost destroyed him with all my mind games and super easy-going with one. The truth is dating them/seeing/whatever it was,  soon evaporated very quickly (which was good) the one I played very hard- to- get with said to me  “you’re too complicated. A man can only chase after a woman so much. There’s only so much I can handle”. The one I wasn’t playing mind games with, went with the flow and was  pretty easy-going, and eventually lost interest in me .

I thought that I would  make it clear, that not all women play hard-to-get, such as my friend, a serial flirter pretty much hates playing games, will pounce on any man confidently. Her motto is “If you like him, do something about it” (gotta lover her).

 

 

 

So… what should we do?

I do know after reading plenty and on a daily basis, relationship/self-help books, (slightly ashamed, but I can’t deny the fact I’m an inner book-worm),  is that what men do find attractive is a woman with a bit of mystery. Don’t tell him too much and don’t see him too much because it makes you more desirable from a males perspective. If you want a man your interested in, make him work for you, (to test how keen he is and admit it if you want someone, don’t you want them more when you work hard for them). Ladies don’t be too easy, I’ve witnessed my girls being a little too easy-going and when you behave like this most men (not all) are likely to take advantage of you, get bored with you and lose interest quickly, (depends how much he was interested in you to being with), and yet at the same time don’t be overly complicated, because it makes it look like your lying or trying to hide something.

I know its complicated, what works for some might not work for the other,  however, my best option, which I swear by, is trust your instincts and you will have the answer.

In a Nutshell

I’ve summed up a list on the best possible way to behave while on the dating field, inspired by New York Times best seller “ The Rules”, (one of my favourite books). These include:

1. Be confident. Men find you attractive when you take pride in yourself what I mean by take pride in yourself  is don’t spend the whole night talking about how successful you are and how men find you so attractive.
2. Don’t attempt to revolve your whole life on his availability. During the early periods, such as always being available for dates. For instance, if you have a salsa class on Wednesday night, don’t cancel it for him if it’s important to you. Don’t go out-of-the-way to be available all the time,  it will get you into bad habits for the long run.
3. Don’t always call him back. Don’t message him within 3.5 seconds. My rule is write back 30-45 mins after he messages (if you want to play hard-to-get).
4. Don’t see him more than 2 times a week during the early stages (mystery is sexy).
5. Be fun, be a mystery because he will find you sexy and smile on dates. Don’t be overly complicated and don’t play extremely complicated mind games especially if you like him, because you will eventually be annoying and he will think you’re  strange and a ‘headache’. Then the tables will turn and you will end up chasing after him when he loses interest (big no-no).
6. Men love to chase, (a lot of them do, almost every man has chased after a women he likes). Make him chase after you, it can determine how much he genuinely likes you.
7. Play hard-to-get, show that your keen, but keep it mean.
8. If you want a man to find you desirable, be confident, don’t whinge and be available but not ‘too available‘ for him’. See if he will change his plans when you are free, even if you are free, pretend you are not free and see if he will rain check it. REMEMBER a man who really likes you, is one who will do anything to see you.
9. Keep yourself occupied when you are seeing someone, so that you don’t end up obsessing over them. If he doesn’t write back to your messages or doesn’t call and if things don’t work out with him,  there will always be someone else.
10. 10.  Test these out and see what works for you

Well that’s all lovers

xoxo

Pandora.

Coming soon,

Be Excited…..